My Job

Today was the last day of school for students.  I still have to go tomorrow, but this was it for the kids until January.  It was an upsetting day.  At first, my reasons for being upset seemed selfish.  It seemed a little out of character for me, so I've been thinking about the real cause of my bad mood tonight.  And I think I've figured it out.

I miss forming real relationships with my kids.  I loved my first year of teaching.  I didn't really like anyone I worked with, but I loved my kids so much that it made up for it.  When I went to Garrett, I pretty much liked my first year there.  Yes, Megan and Sam were little bitches, but I loved so many of my kids that I had a good year.  The second year was good, too.  Third year there...horrible.  Bad principal, bad year with the kids, bad stuff going on for my brother.  Just bad.  My first year at Clay was back to being great.  As was my second.  My third was a little more stressful, but I still really liked my kids.  This year, I have a good group of kids.  I love what I'm teaching.  I like the people I work with.  But I feel like something is missing.  So, I started going back through the years to see what the common problem is with the bad years.

It's more students.  I can't argue that it's the group of kids, because last year was a "bad" group, and I still had a pretty good year with them.  My two worst years were the years that I had the most kids.  I feel like I don't get to know as many of them as well.  I don't see them for as much time during the day, and I don't get to know them as people as a result.  It makes it harder to see the good in every kid, which I've always prided myself on being able to do.  This makes me sad.  I didn't get into education to teach math.  I like math, but I could've been an accountant if that's all I cared about.  I got into education because of the kids, and I really feel like something is lost this year.

So, what's the solution?  Working on a half-team was good because I still got to see the kids two hours each day.  Those kids knew me so well, and I knew them.  But, with budget cuts, I think the half-teams are going to go away.  I don't think that will be an option for me.

What about elementary?  I don't miss teaching reading/writing, and I'm not sure I want to go back to doing that.  Plus elementary teachers are weird (as a general rule - no offense of Jenn and Miesha).  Among other things, they wear weird jumpers and sweaters that scream, "I have no style because I just spend my days with eight-year-olds, so who cares?"  I have a lot of middle school materials, and I don't have a lot of extra money to spend on elementary materials right now.  I would miss being able to focus on math, and I would miss all of my friends at Clay.  But, I would be happier with the kids.

So, what should I do?

P.S.  Elementary teachers do tend to get more students to tutor in the summer, which would be nice...

P.P.S.  There are about 30 teachers that I could "bump" at the elementary level, based on experience.